P - That Pack
I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. What got into me ? The bulky bundle in the hands, I kept on slaloming in the alleys. My throat hurt. My lungs were inflating and deflating their best without succeeding to satisfy my needs of oxygen. The day was hot, the air full of dust. I turned in a corner of a street that was leading to a not-so-frequented path. I leaned against the wall to catch my breath. I hold it for a moment to listen to potential footsteps that might have followed me in my escape. Nothing. Nothing but my heart beating wildly. Nothing but the regular soundscape of a tranquil city. Sweat drops were running on my temples, my back was dripping. When my heart rate came back to normal, I lowered my eyes. What on earth was I going to do with this ?
The week before, I took some time on a diaper review on the ABDL forum I visited when I could. Since the beginning of summer school break, I have had more often peaceful access to the family computer. My mother used to work most of the day and my sister liked to install herself in the neighbour's house or went for her new passion : rollerblades. I took advantage of that situation to regularly do some reading sessions on the internet. Those articles developed my desires and my frustration at the same time. I discovered new forms, textures, sensations… in writings. Do not make me say what I did not say, I love writings and the infinity of the reveries linked to it. Still… Imagination has its limits.
The stock of Pampers Baby Dry hidden in my old suitcase slowly decreased. They were not enough anymore to quench my ABDL thirst.
The issues were always the same : money and above all the storage capacity. I was not sure at all that the huge adult diaper packs seen at the chemist’s would entirely fit in my secret hiding place. If my mother scarcely entered my bedroom, my sister and I often spent time in here together. It was not rare that she would open the closet to try out some of my old outfits or that she looked for petty objects I consented to lending her. Therefore I hardly could have spread the quilted lot on my territory. Not even mentioning the fact that I would have to carry the pack from a chemist to my home in a quite unusually-large bag.
Those emotions amplified by the management of teenagehood’s hormones left me in uncomfortable states. I scowled, not having anyone to talk to about my inner quarrels. I never brought myself to open up to William either. He was my first love, my first tries, my first serious relationship. We discovered together a panel of things that make a teenager turn into an adult. In spite of the global confidence I had in him and our mutual affection, a presentiment that he would not understand persisted. He never seeked to understand what I was sometimes concerned about for that matter. Neither did he open a door on an alternative sexuality. I tried hard to persuade myself that I enjoyed what we had. All my friends seemed delighted with what, on a technical point of view, looked a lot like my own relationship. Why was I not so blooming ? Why, when we ended up making the beast with two backs with William, I had to think of something else to go through with my pleasure ?
The start of the autumn term was almost here. Some friends freshly returned from holiday and I met for an ice-cream in the city nearby. C. had gone camping in the south with her cousin. A bit older than we were, the latter had experienced some furtive intercourse with an activity leader of the holiday centre. She confided to my friend, emphasizing the fleetingness of the affair and the excitement provoked by this forbidden haste. I listened while doing my best to sculpt on my face a false air of admiration. In the bottom of myself, I could not make sense of those mechanisms. The ABDL readings were coming over and over in the back of my head.
The chemist was on my way to the bus stop. I had nothing to do there, only the buzzing attracted me inside. Tourists and local people, families and elderly were busy between the purchase of solar cream, mosquito repellent and other prescription exchanges. My only goal was to touch a bundle of diapers if they had some.
They had some.
I squatted facing the downshelves, directly to the left of the door. There was an ambient hubbub that isolated me in my thoughts. I laid my hands on both sides of the large pack. My heart speeded up. A group of children were playing on a small red table that was there for them a little further. Pharmacists were at work. No one paid any attention to me.
I brought my seizure closer by putting it on my raised knees. The diapers were so big, so quilted… My throat tightened. No one was paying any attention to me.
I got up to thwart a loss of balance. In the move, I held closer against my chest the object of my desire. My cheeks reddened. No one was paying any attention to me.
The pressure in my skull increased. I squeezed even more. That embrace made me dizzy. No one was paying any attention to me.
My hands started to be numb, my legs became like jelly. An alarm was echoing inside me : the one that made me remember all the harmful consequences of my first diapers thefts. No one was paying attention.
My fingers tapped on the thin plastic wrap. No one.
The door opened. A couple came in. I slipped out before they closed it and I ran as fast as my legs could carry me.
When my heart rate came back to normal, I lowered my eyes. What on earth was I going to do with that huge pack ?