H - Hypertension

The cold shower that caused my mother’s discovery forced a break in my ABDL habits. Not more than two or three months after however, I started stealing diapers again in the supermarket. This act showed two things:

1. A true craving to wear them. I was not guided by anarchist convictions, I was a diaper girl because it was a pulsion that came from inside me. That being said, the discontent provoked by the cage of silence in which my mother had put me kind of pushed me to go back to it so quickly.
   

2. A fear that this denial would erase my past. Even if that idea had not been formulated this way in my 13-year-old head, now it seems to me indubitable. One of my angsts resulted from the fact that the sensations I had experienced could go out of the window, fade away, create a nothingness which might attract other things in its void.

So I went back to the store. There was no way I would buy again the big diaper packs that had caused my downfall. The little thefts of the beginnings remaining unpunished, I started them again. I would open the Pampers Baby Dry pack, bury 4 or 5 diapers in the bottom of my dance bag and would go to the checkouts with some candies or other groceries. Then I would put that modest booty in a small bag behind the washing machine, a hiding place that kept its promises for now.

Little Daisy would be a diaper girl again about one night a week. It was not much, but at least it was something. I found an emotional stability back again.

Did you ever notice ? Little Daisy can have her head in the clouds sometimes. No need to lie, this is a character trait anchored since the beginning of my life and heightened by routine actions. Some say that it is the other side of the coin of creativity.

So, one day, I got ready to go to school in the most normal way. I had put a diaper on the evening before, therefore I repeated the moves that had become utterly banal too: take the diaper off, put it in a plastic bag, insert it in my school bag to throw it away a little bit later on my way to middle school. Autumn was upon us. I still got familiar with my different teachers, but I liked my new classmates better. There was a boy who I often sat beside. Let’s call him Arthur. His disconcerting sense of humour worked a lot on me. The hyperactive side of him made him draw pleasant stuff on his notebooks. Best of all, he had a lisp. At that time, we were still getting to know one another.
We sat in front of our table. I took my pencil case and was leaning again to take my notebook while speaking with my neighbour when I put my hand on the plastic bag. The one that still wrapped up the diaper I took off the very same morning. I was so surprised I almost fell down my chair. How on earth could I have forgotten ? I grasped my notebook and promptly opened it in front of me, my back as straight as if I was at attention. I felt Arthur looking at me, so I pretended to be absorbed by the start of the class to give me a bit of time to calm down. 

I had.

A diaper.

In my bag.

At school.

“Alright, Daisy. Just act casual”

My peripheral vision showed me Arthur still turned to me. I tried deepening my breath and above all kept on looking in front of me.

- Psst… Daisy ?

“There is no reason that it could fall from my bag. No reason that everyone should see it, point at me and whisper horrible things about me. No reason at all.”

- Daisy ?

“I am going to throw it away on my way back. As simple as that. Nothing deeply humiliating will happen in the meanwhile.”

Arthur eventually took my arm. I jumped.

- You’re the one who’s got the book. Page 64, exercise 4.

I indeed was the one who had got the book. Without saying a word and with the most robotic-casual way possible I put my hand back in my bag to get the book and open it between us.

- Are you okay ? he softly asked

- Yes, I just… forgot. To… do the exercise.

- Don’t worry. If the teacher asks you, you can glance at my notebook.

- Arthur will continue during the two years we would spend in the same class being attentionate like this. By the way, I will save his ass much more often than he will save me homework wise ! It did not matter. Even if he was not a brilliant student, his sheer kindness will make him an unforgettable classmate. Moreover he knew when not to ask too many questions.

The rest of the day, I lived it as if I carried a briefcase with a million dollars inside. Tense, paranoïd, all in all, suspicious. But nothing deeply humiliating happened in the meanwhile. I ditched the diaper away where I should have ditched it 10 hours earlier and declined the double agent position at the KGB. I did not have the nerves, plus I did not speak russian anyway

Did you ever notice ? Repetitively succeeding misdemeanour comforts people in the idea they will never get caught.
Wednesday, 45 minutes before my dance class, 4 ready-to-be-stolen Pampers Baby Dry in my bag :

- Here’s your change, love. Have a good evening.

- Thank you. Have a good evening too.

- Miss, you follow me please.

The dryness of the tone with which the summon had been said made me shudder. The security agent came closer, towering me with his 6 ft tall. His voice was firm, however his look displayed no anger ; more of a disabused lassitude. I grabbed onto my bag. I imagined myself running, but what was the use ? The cashier knew me and we will be back within a week to shop anyway. They would call my mother. On top of being weird, hiding diapers in my toys, I would become a thief to her. No way. I needed to get myself out of here.